Meeting Internet People: A Hypothetical Story

There are people I know because of the Internet. Some are famous in small Internet circles, others are just other people sitting on their beds with their laptop on a dictionary and old textbook to keep it from overheating and crashing :cough: the point is every now and again I think “Man, I want to meet So-and-So, they’d be fun to hang out with” or “I think it’d be cool to watch a movie with That Guy” or “I want to get drunk with that person I have a slight crush on”. I imagine minorly elaborate situations where we hang out, we meet at a coffee shop and talk about…something. Or we’re (somehow) already friends and we’re either actively watching a movie or they’re playing some video game and I’m there on the couch drawing something and we’re just hanging out. Or they also draw and we’re drawing together and maybe drinking coffee or alcohol. Whatever.

I think those things, but I also know that if I met the people i think these things about I’d be anything but like who I usually am or even who I am online. we’d probably end up having an awkward silence for like…ten minutes and at some point when we weren’t exactly side by side i’d say on twitter ‘So… i’m hanging out with this internet friend and fuck, I’m so fucking nervous. This is dumb.’

Then they’d read it, because twitter is for internet friends for me, not real life people, that’s why I have facebook. They’d read it because they were sending the same thing and we’d both be shy, because. if we were drinking we might eventually get not sober enough to move past the ‘I kind of know a lot about you because o the internet, but not really’ thing and actually enjoy being together and become friends. The next day after waking up from sleeping on the floor or couch we’d greet each other hungover wearing half out clothes, because when you’re drunk all of your clothes are too many to sleep in. Sex wouldn’t happen, just sleeping. We’d be grumpy and hung over drinking coffee some time after waking up and we’d be friends. 

We’d mope around the apartment, eating whatever crap we declared food and watching half of some bad 90s or early 2000s movie that happened to be on TV. We’d be more comfortable and on twitter we’d be like ‘so, i met @So-and-so and it was fun..oh yeah, that instagram photo…that’s a thing we did? Fucking radioactive colored shots’

(The longer this goes the less like me any of this is…just like me on the internet!(I imagined a big Hannah Hart smile there))

Effectively, there are a few people I know because of the Internet and I want to meet them and be friends in real life but i know at first we’d both just be way awkward. Well, no matter what, I’d be way awkward for a while and eventually we’d probably be friends but that first ten minutes would be weird.  I’ve met one Internet-friend and it was weird, especially since we weren’t sure if the other was who we thought they were, and then it became cool I guess. 

I just want to be friends with people. 

Fuck, this wasn’t supposed to be a long thing, it was supposed to be super short. Whatever, it’s happened. I wrote it. I go through these hypothetical stories all the time, this is “one” of them.