Fears: The Economy, Money, Life, Other

Man, that discussion on sex was fun. So was my Valentine's Day post, but we're now back to my favorite topic of discussion, me! And what's better than talking about me? Me talking about my fears then relating them to other people my age who are possibly just as screwed as I am. That said, I still want to just movie west and say 'fuck you too, Virginia' maybe next year, I really want to go to SPX this September, I'll move away after SPX..

So, my fear! This was originally written on my cell phone, it ended up a lot longer than I anticipated it being and I change my title to better reflect what I think I was taking about. --

Are millennials, Gen Y, or whatever the fuck the 20-35 age group is called, going to be like our Depression Era great/grandparents when we’re older or will that be the children born in the last 15 years?

I mean, many of us “came of age” during an economic depression where compared to 50 years ago minimum wage is proportionally less when inflation is taken into account. The cost of living has sky rocketed and it’s now a life time effort to pay of college loans as opposed to a few years because low and middle class Americans are not being paid as much when compared with our counterparts from a few decades ago.

In America I've seen between 200-350% wage difference between the worker and their bosses who take bonuses even as the companies fold (here’s looking at you, Hostess) and the employees barely have the money to support themselves. Skilled labor education is lowering, and every year universities turn out graduates who are over qualified for the few competitive jobs there are.

It’s a mad house and we’ve all been blind to it as we buy technologies we don’t need (up high iPad! (and other tablets)) and can barely afford (down low iPhone 4, 4.5, 5) that cost an arm and a leg and offer little more than cosmetic changes to their predecessors.

So, I was wondering if the current generation of young adults who distract themselves from reality with more technology (I’m guilty of this in my own way, even with my Apple hating habits) but are still living through a depression, going on ebt/food stamps and are working in restaurants and retail, jobs previously left to high schoolers, will end up the way people who lived through the 1929 such market crash did and start hoarding everything. Money will be stuffed into mattresses, the banks haven’t been that well trusted in a long time going, anyway, and will we end up deadening like a generation if penny pinchers and misers when the economy turns and is robust again. Will the American economy turn around like that, again? It was aided in a global war that put all able-bodied hands to use fighting and in manufacturing that to some extent is now done overseas where labor is less picky and cheaper. The economy turned around in the 40s because military technology was now used to improve and cheapen the cost of living so more people could afford 2.5 children, a tract house and a yard (and a mean green mother from outer space hiding in said yard) and people had the money to spend on frivolities as technology replaced the need for skilled labor.

What is going to turn the modern economy around so that people like me, who have bachelor’s degrees and spend their days doing little can become effectual members of society? What is going to upset American classicism and put more money into the hands of the workers and create more jobs? What happened to the American Dream, the idea that anyone could work their way from nothing, with a little help maybe, and make a living wage? I love what Hunter S Thompson had to say with his myopic view of the future from the mid 70s

--"And that, I think, was the handle—that sense of inevitable victory over the forces of Old and Evil. Not in any mean or military sense; we didn’t need that. Our energy would simply prevail. There was no point in fighting—on our side or theirs. We had all the momentum; we were riding the crest of a high and beautiful wave. . . .
So now, less than five years later, you can go up on a steep hill in Las Vegas and look West, and with the right kind of eyes you can almost see the high-water mark—that place where the wave finally broke and rolled back."

Fear and Loathing in Las Vega

America peaked and he couldn't see it’s salvation or it’s return to societal power. I believe we peaked and since we've been falling but it’s not impossible for us to reach some sort of glory again.

I do wonder what becoming an adult in America’s turbulent recent history as the idea of success and normal change, will play on us.

---

Fun Fact portion!

Minimum Wage:
USA Today: Adjusting Minimum Wage for Inflation - Feb 2013
Huffington Post: Raising Minimum Wage - Feb 2013

Wage Ga
Wall Street Journal - Firms Resist New Pay- Equity Rules - June 2012
AlterNet - Wage Gap Between CEOs and Workers Continues to Grow - June 2012
OpEd News - Corporate America's CEO Pay Heist - ~2003
AFL-CIO - CEO to Worker Pay Gap  - some time after 2011
AFL-CIO - 100 Highest Paid CEOs - 2011 

Hunter S. Thompson Quotes
I used the pertinant part of that quote for what I wanted to say here but the entire thing is beautiful, it's from the Wave Speech in Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. That entire quote, and other, can be read on my old blog here

Conflicted

First, thank you to whoever gave my Elementary/Sherlock post a like. I don't know who you are but it is a nice reminder that someone reads this and that my weird analysis and things are agreeable. I was actually really proud of that one, i like doing things like that. That's not what I'm here to talk about though, it's more personal and blah.

So, I'm depressed. I think in part it's fear of my future, what my options are and the lack of knowing where I'll end up from here. I have one job that is possible, there seems to be a good back and forth between me and this company going on. It's not a creative job but I can always do creative things outside of it. It's a 9-5, that leaves me 5-midnight to create and money to print my creations and go to conventions and all the fun things. And most importantly, money to pay off my loans. 

That's not what's bothering me. i'm afraid of the lack of plans. I don't know where my life is headed. I have nothing to work toward, I have no goals. I'm well rested, I'm over rested and probably atrophying as I write. I wake up and read or watch something. i've done a little drawing, nothing really impressive but things I am proud of and want to share with others. Outside of that I'm not doing anything. I haven't touched 100 Days since October when I printed the first 12 days of 2012. I've barely worked out what the story for Cinema chapter 2 and I sort of know what i want to have happen in Lawrence's Diary chapter 2. I'm still trying to plan some 8page stories to print and just pass out for free and then there are a million one off pieces and small series I want to do. I have all the idea just no motivation. I don't need inspiration but motivation which is different and comes from me but I'm having problems seeing the value of anything. 

I'm feeling my usual depressed feeling that no one notices me, no one will care when I leave Norfolk. I felt missed and appreciated in Reston seeing people from high school. It was nice feeling like someone noticed me. I'm invisible. I don't know how much of it is my fault and how much of it is the people I've surrounded myself with but I don't know how to change it. i don't know who to trust, who to seek out. I don't know who cares about me. Maybe it's because I don't care about them.

Something broke in my after my mom died. I know that, I don't think I realized how big and important that something was. Whatever broke I think keeps me from trusting people, or forming real connections. Am I afraid that people will leave me? Am I afraid that people won't understand me? Do I keep pushing people away, and if that's the case why?  I need to find someone to talk to, someone I can trust. I have no idea how to do that. I need to figure out what I've lost since high school, other than my mother, and figure out how to make friends and believe they like me. I need to not feel like I'm invisible. On the upside, crying alone in public is a lot less embarrassing when people don't notice, but that isn't helping. 

I'm a series of conflictions. I wear my heart on my sleeve and I play my cards close to my chest. I'm guarded, I know I'm guarded. i spend a lot of time watching and figuring out how to respond. I'm really bad at living in the moment and experiencing people. I currently want someone I can just sit at home with, watch a movie while drinking and talking about it. I want a hug. I want to feel that people care about me. I know they do, but I don't feel like that do. Also who cares? 

Balls, I'm crying again. Crying and listening to the Avalanches. I'm healthy. Maybe I can find someone soon, both relationship wise and psychiatricly wise. I don't know what's wrong and it needs to be taken care of so I can deal with things. It has been far too long with far too little help. That's my fault, I acknowledge that, now I need to work at fixing it.

My Show

Hey, this will be a quick one, a smidgen of a place holder until I can write something more involved.

My Show was last night, I feel like it went better than I anticipated. I have books you can find previews and things at my online store

. I'm excited with how well everything went, I have books and  i'll soon have my bookmarks laminated for selling and all that awesome jazz. 

Everyone who came out, thank you, it was amazing to see people interested in my silly little books and to see people who care about me. I have so many self esteem issues and I think so many dumb things that it was really great to be wrong and to see people make their way to my show. Some of my family was here for it too, I was excited and embarrassed. My anxiety was pretty much non-existent at the show which was great. I look forward to future opportunities to sell my books. It was such a steep learning curve, the entire process, i'm glad it's over and over all went better than I feared. i can now rest and work on some things I've had to push tot he waysite these past few months so i'll be sharing that as time goes on. 

Progress update, Oct 9!

Whew, it's been a week. I've been in weird places and haven't been able to make a new write up but here we go!

My show is a thing that will be happening, you can check out the Facebook Event Page, Friday, November 2, 2012 from 6-9pm I will be showing select pages from Lawrence's Dairy, Cinema and 100 Days 2012. I will also have books from each on sale at that show, you don't have to buy anything you don't want to but come out by and hang out, it'll be awesome! We can talk comics and art and have a blast together and things will be pretty awesome I hope. 

I'm still honestly terrified of it all. i'm afraid I won't be done in time, I'm afraid that no one will really show up for the show and I'm afraid of people reading my stuff. I'm afraid of judgement and acceptance of my work. I don't generally interact with different groups of friends at the same time, it's usually one environment of friends at a time so it'll be a different thing for me to be the reason for so many different people to interact. Plenty of my friends know one another but I still have friends who are just from different worlds and social circles than others  and it's a rare thing for me to be around so many people.

All that attention, anxiety inducing.

On my progress front, I don't think I've changed much since last week. I was kind of in a bad place and I was trying to get my flier from the last post together and finished, I ended up not working as much  on pages because I wanted to get that done so I can post it. It's printed and as of writing this on Tuesday night, I have the first one hung in Borjo. People seem to like it, so that's cool, that's a thing I like. i like that thing quite a bit. (Still afraid of things)

I have gotten more pages of Cinema penciled, when I get home tonight I'm going to try to finish roughing in those pencils before getting back to 100 Days and getting some of those colored. Lawrence's Dairy is the closest to being done and the coloring aspect of each comic goes the fastest so that's a plus to all of this. I just need references so things look better than my just imagining what shit looks like, that's part of what is taking so long. People references, location references, item references. So much that I want to keep straight, it's a hassle but I will be more proud if it's all the best I can make it and not half assed because I didn't make the effort to find a reference. 

Hmm, I want to continue with my practice from last Sunday's post of expousing my love of podcasts and things so:

Sex Nerd Sandra: It's a weekly sex positive and information podcast. It has humor from the basest of dick jokes to to odd situational jokes. It doesn't take itself too seriously even as serious topics related to sex are discussed and elaborated on. There are great informational episodes discussing the penis, what's common about it and things like that. There are discussions of different type of pleasure and sex that consenting adults can consider. It's about having fun while having sex and making it a better experience and working to get rid of the stigmas around it. Sex is interesting, people will always do it so the more information that people can have to keep themselves safer and healthier the better. Oh, that's a big thing, sexual health and safety. It may be sex positive but in that it's also very encouraging to be safe about it, give it a listen. 

The Moth: stories about life, the human condition, the human experiment and stuff. These are shorter, good to listen to while cooking or washing dishes because they're less of a commitment for a given period of time. What I love about The Moth is that it's all about learning experiences, what was a life changing time in your life? Reflecting on who you are and remembering who you were, what helped change and shape you. Most of the stories are humorous, some are sad but they're almost all about growth and evolution at different times of life. It's not portrayed as  an advice column saying 'if you do this your life will change' it's more 'my life was on this one path but this tragic/amazing thing happened and it started going this way'. Not every change in life is sought out, they're mostly stumbled upon so it's showing just how important experience is to life and living. 

The JV Club: This one is so much fun to listen to. Janet Varney (i know her as Korra's VA) hangs out and chats with women about everything but their careers. She talks about the awkward and horrible high school years and how people have changed. It's kind of all of the information that gets glossed over in normal interviews because the awkward high school years don't always sell. Learning that people were bookish nerds and that they spend their time listing to the hottest NPR radio stations isn't what most people want. Most people want sensation and this show is all about the mundane and having a laugh at how different people once were. The guests are almost exclusively women, I've really enjoyed listening to it. I'm only a few in but I'm sure I'll get all caught up soon. 

-

Fun addition, remember last week when I promoted One Photo Reviews? I've sent Scott and Dave some e-mails adding my $5 to the conversation, I'm a wordy individual, and i posed a few of my favorite questions and things to consider about movies and they answered in this week's episode. I  had the biggest, dumbest smile on my face when I got that shout out, seriously. If you guys see this, thanks. I said it on twitter but still. I don't get shout out too often so it was cool for me. 

Music i've been into: Always into Adam Warrock, he's released 2 EPs this week, I haven't had the change to get them, but I'm sure I'll dig them. I bought the new Ben Folds Five album and I love it. I wrote this while listening to Movits!: Out of My Head, i'm into this. It's not as jazzy as their first album but it has the same great energy and body rocking abilities.

Well then, party people, I'll have more to say next week and I should be able to announce completed pages next week, a lot of completed pages. I don't have much time to get things done. Last week I had a lot of work down and this week I'm behind. I hope I can get things done. Having had the past 2 days off and writing this now it feels like today's Sunday and not Tuesday. My next progress post will be here in no time. Fuck. 

Last-last thing. My godmother is friggin' amazing and won a Fulbright Scholar Award for her research in chemical engineering. Go read about how fantastic she is