2012 Life Review

I was psyched to write this a few weeks ago and I've mentally considered and written part of this, mostly I was trying to remember what happened back in January. Not that long ago but still twelve months ago, and a lot has happened.

I started 2012 with a kiss on New Years, the first time that has that has ever happened, a New Years kiss, not kiss in general. It was nice, random and entirely unexpected. I soon returned to my adoptive home of Norfolk, VA to begin my final year of college with painting, drawing studio, digital art and figure. I fell into a rhythm of life, fairly calm and somewhat ready for things. I had a roommate, no job and was content enough with my life. I can't recall anything remarkable happening until the New York trip with the art department. I had so much fun doing the tourist thing, my family never does the tourist thing when we go to New York, it was great to go to the museums. It was fun to go on a trip with people like that and to go on a little city adventure. I got to meet Jonathan Ames, I was so fucking nervous but it was still amazing. I didn't get to say everything I wanted to but for someone like me from Virginia, I don't often get to meet people I like or idolize. 

Summer started, I was in senior show and advanced print. I went to so many art shows and local bands, taking my camera to almost every one. It's always fun meeting touring bands like that, intimate shows in basements and apartments. So foreign to my life and so fantastic.

This year I branched out in the podcasts I listen to which has had a positive influence on my life. I listen to Marc Maon, Nerdist, Mental Illness Happy hour, sex Nerd Sandra, Sklarbo County/Country, One Photo Reviews and so many others. The comedy podcasts did of course provide laughs but they also educated me on comedy and introduced me to comedians to look out for and people to try, I've broadened my entertainment past the comedians on TV an I now keep an eye out for people on tour.

I went to my first comedy show with my brothers in august, Godfrey performed in Baltimore and I actually noticed the types of jokes he told and understood now they're different from other comedians. It's weird. The following week I got to see and meet Mike Phirman and Paul and Storm. That was fun, an evening of musical comedy and silliness. It was really special and put my on a high note before I started my final semester of school. 

I was taking glassblowing, drawing studio and figure. Glass blowing was scary and amazing, it was really cool to create something like that, it's so communal, as opposed to solitary drawing, it was a tiring and energizing break from my normal. I'm so glad I took that class.

My first big thing from the fall, I got to meet Adam Warrock, MkHill, TribeOne and Jesse Dangerously, they performed with the local Nerdlucks and it was so much fun, a fantastic show. It was cool to meet and chat with someone you know from online, put a real face and interaction to someone. I took so many photos,  and i was able to be as enthuiastic as I wanted with no embarassment because everyone else had just as much fun. I hope they tour near enough to me again so I can see them again.

This show as like an appetizer to the following weekend when SPX happened. It was almost magical reality being at Small Press Expo and getting to talk comics. I loved meeting Joe Hunter for the first time in real life, much taller than I expected, that's okay. I made new friends with Phil Khan, Christopher Williams, Lee Cherolis, Jeremy Bentley, Perry, Krishna and a few other cool cats. I got to meet some of my webcomic idols, Danielle Corsetto, ,Yuko Ota, Ananth P...?, Jeph Jacques, Tyson Hesse and i met a bunch of new comic creators and so many fantastically nice people. Darryl Ayo, Sylvian M, Missy Lasko-Glass. The person I internally freaked out meeting was Dean Haspiel, I'm still glad i didn't fangirl freak out. I met Joe Infurnari and missed out on really meeting the Hernandez Brothers of Love and Rockets creation fame. I had a blast, I dream of being on the other side of the table soon, but until then I'm working on some minis to print and give out. So many comics. Delightful!

Back in Norfolk I remember my emotions crashing because of some terrible women's health related politics and then I fell back into going to class and drawing my minis for my senior show. 

In glass we had the De La Torre brothers as visiting artists, they were so fantastic to meet, inspiring and in general really fun people. I'm grateful for being able to meet them and watch them work.

I don't remember much of October. I woke up, sat down to draw, cat napped and drew some more. I went to glass because it was different and new, skipped my other classes and got my work done in time for a Hurricane Sandy to roll past the east coast and destroy New York.

It was a weird time. i got my books printed, put on my show and sold my first comics, it was a nerve-wracking  experience. I'm glad I've moved past my first show, I'm not sure how much I'm looking forward to any other shows but I survived my first one. November was excited with the presidential election and i moved into December ready to graduate and be done. I was ready to be done with school the night I had my show, I spent a lot of anxious, nervous and creative energy on my show. After it was done, everything felt less pressing. It was nice to end the year with low stress as opposed to the usual high stress finish. 

I graduated and I felt no different. I don't know if it hasn't sunken in yet or if so little has changed that I don't notice how different things feel. It kind of feels like a never ending summer, I don't have a job yet so I've been grinding on watching Buffy and renting movies and things for the past few weeks. I've been filling my time with ingesting creations, not creating as much. I'm working and planning new things I just didn't have the drive for a while. I've drawn some gifts I really like for people, that's been cool. 

This graduation year was so much better than 2007 when I graduated from high school. Read my post on my educational experiences to see what i mean. My future is blank, I have my dreams and plans for years from today but what I'll be doing in 6 months, no clue. It's kind of exciting, we'll see where things go. 

Oversharing and a Demand to be Heard

I have this thing where I over-share, just about all the time. This is fairly obvious given I have a twitter account, blog, youtube and a few other accounts, not all of them are linked. Hell, I have a facebook that I keep private, barely use and have a few connections with people I don’t actually know in real life, but seriously, out of the3/400 some odd people, I don’t really know 8 of them. I’ve just been thinking about why I share so much about my life or my creations without being prompted and I think it’s part of my personal demand to be known and heard. That’s an oxymoronic idealization because I do love being an Internet Nobody because I can say whatever I want, I can express a poorly expressed opinion and either keep it or just forget and ignore it without any sort of public drama.

I was just thinking about the types of things I share on various websites that I don’t talk about often in real life, like my skin disease. I have a lengthy post about it I need to edit before posting, unlike most things I post here on my website, I wrote it offline and decided to force myself to edit it before sharing it. I do go into detail about where my skin disease is and some of those discomforts but that post is really about a personally painful situation where I realized I had to friend-break up with someone because of them. Willfully deciding to not be friends with someone hurts and sucks. John Green has said “It hurt because it mattered.” I don’t know how much this girl actually mattered to me but I know it didn’t help my trust issues.

I would like to know I matter, that someone cares about me and that I’m noticed. I would love to know that someone pays attention to me and that it’s not just people I know in real life. I need to stop taking for granted the people I know in real life and not just love the people I know online. I have followers on a few of my online accounts that I’m shocked by, and flattered that they care about some weirdo in Virginia to follow her back on some account or another. I don’t know, it’s nice but as soon as I get comfortable with one person following me I set weird hopes on someone else. I posted a thing about wanting to be friends with people I know because of the Internet and it’s the truth.

I went from thinking about over sharing and why I do that to just talking about how fucking needy I am. My being needy has generally been a sign of my being depressed, which I have noticed.  My neediness is why I want people to pay attention. You’d think oversharing would scare people away but maybe it’s just another type of connection that can be built.

That’s good enough for this idea. With it being December I have so many things on my mind. End of year wrap up, end of formal education and girding my mental loins for dealing with Christmas.

I feel I lost my point but I still want to share my thoughts. :/ Sorry if you thought this was going to be more insightful, I thought it would be more insightful too.