Human Sexuality is Fluid

I'd like to start with a statement: I have been drinking, so some thoughts may be more incomplete than usual. Thank you. 

I've spent time over the years questioning my sexuality. Many people have, it's what you do from when you're sometime age in your teens until you die or whatever. I have a lot of friends who don't fit into the singular of Heterosexual. I happen to have a lot of friends who also don't prescribe to Heterosexual. I've been cool with the number values, hues and shades of gray (it's really just shades, I'm trying to sound smart. Somedays, I'm just smrt and not really smart).  

Many of my friends from high school happen to be not straight. A fair number of my friends in college are not straight (some of them even fall into being not exactly make or female but that's not what I'm discussing, I'm pretty sure I'm cisgendered), but I know enough people who confidently label themselves as bisexual or something other than gay or straight that is sometimes has me wondering what I am.  

I mean, I'm fairly certain I'm straight. I have kissed girls, it doesn't do anything for me. Nor does the female body. The male body interacting with the female body, yes. The male body in many situations, yes. The female body, not as much, but I also know I'm not 100 % straight, I doubt anyone is 100% one or the other. In my mind it would extend past sexuality to friendships but that's super extreme, especially for me. I'm generally passive and i like to drive in a fluid middle of non committal answers and ideation.  

I went to SPX with a friend who's wandering through the great great area of human sexuality and we went to a panel on Queering the Mainstream of Comics and I picked up Northwest Press's book Anything That Loves. I'm reading the comics and it's making me wonder again, am I straight, but I think it's not that sometimes, I  think I need to ask 'how female am I?' but also sometimes "am I straight". 

I said I wasn't going to question my gender. Well fuck I lied, I was already going to hell (unless I'm listening to the baller-ass new Pope whose like the Oprah of "you're going to Heaven" if you're a good person). But I don't think I'm not female. I'm comfortable with being female, but I think my presentation of my gender has been in conflict with my sexuality so I haven't really had too many romantic interactions with people and I do what that to change. I want people to like my for my mind, but I don't want to have to wear a dress or parade wearing a sign stating "I'm female and I like men pretty exclusively" to get people to express an interest in me. I feel I actively defy people who do like me and I challenge why they consider me a friend.  

I have issues, who doesn't? Shut up, they're lying.  

Wait, what?? 

Is there a point, I'm not sure anymore. I'm not sure if there ever was one. I guess I wanted to say that I've been considering my sexuality, but I think it stays where it is. I'm somewhere between 90-95% straight. Ladies don't do anything for me, but I'm not going to be a dick about it. Human sexuality is fluid and it's a cock that people feel the need to put others into boxes and labels that don't fit them. No one knows what I am other and me, and I may not always be right but i'm more right than you. It's the same for any gender presentation/feeling or sexuality presentation/feeling. how someone feels or is is fluid, and that's a good thing. It leaves your options closer to open.  

I like saying that people are " not straight" because straight is a fairly understood and defined concept. Gay, queer, bi-, pan-, a-  and everything else are so vague that diving people between a definitive and  fluid feels less damaging, unless people have given me a definition.


Maybe I'm just saying the title, human sexuality is fluid. It's not my  place to try to define what someone else is sexually because I don't know what or how they feel. I'm sure I've failed and have been wrong many times in the past and I'm sorry, I try - most of the time. IF I get it wrong, I'll be understanding as you correct me. I'm just someone adrift in an ocean of solitude with an idea of where I think I ought to end up but the passing boats of others are a pleasant change to my reality.  

I'm going to keep reading this book, it gives me the chances to listen to other people's stories and to work at being a more empathetic and compassionate person. 

The Black Male As A Sex Symbol

Q: How does it feel to be a sex symbol? Does it make you feel uncomfortable?

A) I always get asked this question and I never have a real satisfactory answer. I don't know what it feels like to be a sex symbol, I woke up in the morning and I see the same face. But I will say this, and I've said this in the press, back men, we're never called 'sexy' you know what I mean? We're  not called "sexy", we're called "athletic" we're called "intense" we're described as being the "strong type" the "silent type" we're never really described as the sexy, you know what I mean?

Q) You think so?

A) In general. there's a real generalization to what I'm saying. Sexy doesn't apply to black men in a script. They'll never say "a sexy black man" it'll say "a muscular black man", "an intense black guy" or "good looking". In that case the word has been thrown at me a few times and i'll own it. If it gives me and other black men another definition, all right. 

Transcribed from this interview with Idris Elba

This is an important statement on the subject of race in modern media, that writers continue to write around calling a black man 'sexy', that black men are not seen as sex symbols that often in modern society is a disservice to society and changing the impression of black men everywhere. Time and time again, thieves and thugs are portrayed as black men. Or writers go the complete opposite and make them into police and detectives but as a statement of what the black man represents, it's not as often the leading hero who's supposed to be seen as an object of desire. 

This is possible a hold over from early American culture when white people were afraid that the 'black stallion' of a man was going to take his white woman. This is something that needs to be changed in modern media, that the black male (and female to be honest) isn't just a sexual deviance, that the black male is just to prove a white character isn't racist, but the black male needs to be seen as a sexual being and as a sexual object. 

I recently started watching Sidney Poitier movies and there is the criticism of him in movies being seen as a non-sexual being, he's a castrated black man and it's true. His characters were rarely given a romantic drive or interest. Even in Guess Who his character was fairly chaste in his affections to his  girlfriend/fiance (I've forgotten which). I believe it's time that the black male be given the opportunity to be a sex symbol. The black man is attractive and not in the weird fetishized fashion that he seems to exist in where he's the dangerous or faring romantic option. He needs to be sexy for his brain, for his body, for existing. 

I have a tag on my tumblr called 'Black Man Appreciation Post' (or BMAP) which I've reblogged attractive men, either because of the clothes they're wearing (I appreciate the well dressed man) or look at their bodies. I find the same things attractive across different races, but I wanted black men to stand out, it they're so rarely featured in model sets and I think some of what Idris said is part of it. The black man needs to be seen as sexual being in and of himself and not because of how 'exotic' he is to non black audiences. 

Perception needs to change and how attraction is accepted needs to be changed. You can find a body attractive and it doesn't have to change your sexuality. You can appreciate a body and it doesn't have to affect your sexuality or your interests. Being open to understanding that just because someone doesn't fit what you think you should be attracted to but you appreciate aspects of them doesn't reflect poorly on you is a good step to make. I like men, I pretty much explicitly like men, but I accept there are female body types that I can appreciate. Does it change my appreciation and attraction to men? No in the least and fuck that 'all women are bisexual' bullshit. All people fall somewhere on the continuum between homosexuality and heterosexuality, the difference is acceptance of where you fall and what you accept about yourself. But this isn't about sexuality, this is about races being seen as sexual objects and not just a deviance from 'the norm'.